Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Lauren tells you about Caroline...

By Lauren Wood

Well, I had a wonderful blog all planned out, in which I chronicled my association with Caroline Wood from the very beginning, that auspicious first day at the Pace Acadmey "Open House."

I also mentioned that it was "just like Caroline Wood" to wait until I post first, so that it would fall to me to establish the tone of this, our nascent blog. As she has craftily posted first, my initial attempt is now both inaccurate and unnecessarily long. This is, in fact, just like Caroline Wood.

In her post, she mentioned all of those small, ridiculous things that fall into my area of expertise. She is correct. I know way more about John Cusack than Caroline. I know that Joan Cusack is his sister, and she is in all of his movies. He also has a sister named Ann Cusack who is also in several of his movies, as well as many crime and medical shows. However, this knowledge of John Cusack's prodigious career (and thespian siblings), means very little in the grand scheme of things. Concerning the things that matter, such as poetry, cooking, philosophy and yes, lipstick, Caroline is the authority.

Caroline Wood knows what the opposite of "hyperbole" is (I don't remember...she told me once). She also knows what a logarithm is. Well, I assume she does, anyway. She was in calculus, while I never made it through that section of Advanced Math Honors. As promised, she knows what is meant by "pastiche" and "chiromancy" and you have no idea how many times I've been asked to combine elements or read a palm. "If only Caroline had taught me chiromancy," I have often lamented, tearing at my hair in anguish, "then I could tell my Modern Poetry professor just why he needs to give me an A!"

For my birthday, Caroline made me an ice-cream cake, and bought me Sex Lives of the Popes. She promptly returned Sex Lives of the Popes because she assumed I already had it, but promised to buy it again once I told her I did not. Instead, she went to a botanica in Decatur, and bought me a number of items including a powder labeled "Powerful Lover." This is evidence of Caroline's cooking prowess, generosity, and embrace of exotica. I have none of these things. My recent successes in the cooking arena are merely attempts not to flounder in comparison to Caroline. I embrace my own selfishness with the same relish that I selfishly reject alternative cultures. As for the book of essays (I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley- Excellent) she decided to go with instead of Sex Lives of the Popes, I am sure she only meant to inspire and intimidate me into writing a better blog here!

Crafty! I never would have thought of that!

But did you know that John Cusack is a fan of heli-snowboarding? Or that his first movie was 1983's Class starring Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy?

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