By Caroline Wood
Perspicacious readers:
There are a few things you ought to know about Lauren before swearing your allegiance to her shameless charm and tireless wit. I have composed a few (2) useful lists for your reading pleasure.
Things Lauren knows infinitely more about than I:
1. Journalism
2. Actors, Actresses, Television productions, major motion pictures, John Cusack, John Cleese, Flight of the Conchords, British Literature, American Literature, music of all kinds, 19th and 20th century novelists, Edith Wharton, William Faulkner, fashion, Boston, New York, London, public transportation, World Literature, vermouth, Sandy Springs, comedy, employment, the art of persuasion, Jane Austen, Saturday Night Live, the 80's, the history of song and dance, the human face, Decadence, Verizon wireless, The Importance of Being Earnest, grammar, exorcism, saints, libel, and the like.
3. Gay men
Areas in which I excel but in which Lauren, unfortunately, is pitifully unaccomplished:
1. Chiromancy
2. The art of pastiche
3. There is no number three
4. Lipstick
It is clear, then, that my strengths outnumber hers.
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